| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|10:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out | ] |
Fewf.
I got my biol done just in time - before Guest got seriously POed. Oh it feels good to have a little stress lifted off my shoulders.
I'm acctually having quite a good day/night.
I got a propper size tongue ring today so it doesnt kill the bottom of my mouth now! HUZZUH!
What else?
Had a good covo with friend - his b days soon and im invited :D yay.
Havent had a propper phone convo with Luke in 2 days which is surprisingly liberating. But I do miss him abit.
Caught up with all the gossip that I missed over the holidays and that was good.
Had my History practise exam, I think I did okay. *crosses fingers* But who knows?
SO what I have to do is:
Biol - questions
Maths - Bivariate shit
St Art - everything
Art - meh
History - nothing right now
English - nothing right now
Rawk.
Humm... *smiles* I need to go to bed and read Merrick.
yay |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2004|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Lion King Musical - They Live In You | ] |
OH! Sydney was SO GOOD. THE LION KING WAS SO... WOW.
Yeah. Life's good.
That is all.
Oh! And Luke gave me a CHOCOBO TOY! (and a long-stemmed red rose...) ^^ |
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| *Pokes tounge out* |
[Sep. 4th, 2004|04:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Missy Higgins - Scar | ] |
Yes-sir-eee! I finally did it! GOD! It feels good to get around to it!
My tongue now has a lovely metal bar in it.
Fantastic!
It didn’t really hurt all that much, again I'm surprised that my pain threshold his a great deal larger than I imagined. I still think ear piercings hurt the most.
Still, ill have to see what I think tomorrow, when it swells.
Heh. Oh well, its way way way worth it! It looks awesome! Can't wait till it heals! Speaking of which, I wonder if it'll be in time for summer. Hmm! Anyway
Camp was awesomeness ever! Skiing was so hard but also really really fun! (Although every single part of me hurts now) the best bit was going really really fast down a hill and then purposely doing a nose dive! SO FUN!
Chelle and I had the best time just being nuts with the people that school had hired as guides, Matt, Terry and Cherry were so awesome! We had the party bus! WHEEE! And we got to see Stevenson’s Falls at night with all the pretty lights, it was amazing!
The first camp I’ve ever liked,
The first camp I haven’t cried
The first camp without "friends" and with friends.
I loved it!
Anyway! I'm going to go roam the interweb!
Last week of term coming up!
RAH!
Lila |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|05:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The O C Soundtrack | ] |
HURRY UP! *smacks computer with a handy-dandy-near-by-walking-stick*
GAAAAAAH! *guthump*
... Hi... I'm really bored... Getting impatiant... Computer downloading slowly... Well acctually its fast... but its like 200 MB...
*sighs* I love cable.
I was going to do my english essay tonight
I suppose I'll have to do it later.
Camp on Wednesday... I hope im not near particular people.
However I have a good cabin with my lovely mate Chelle so this is good.
nice, good, nice. I was up at 12 30 last night after finishing 10 hours of non stop history study and a very old online friend popped up... It was odd... Amusing... Yes.
I shant recap a certain dream I had about him at a certain farm with certain corrs music playing in the background while running through fields (think of that perfume add with that "My romance, doesnt neeeeeed tooooooo haaaaaaave a mooooooooooon in the sky" something like that- without the bike) Yes, lets not go there.
Nothing is working for me today
My premier stuff wasnt working just when i was on a roll.
Im trying to clean out the old computer (which is now MINE) so we can put XP on it but i cant get mums old e-mails off it so she wont let me delete anything!!! If anyone has disc 1 of microsoft office 2000 premium and can lend it to me I'll love them forever!!!!!!
Then this weird MP3 player called a "jazPiper" wont work when i try to install the software it says i dont have enough virtual memory - which is stupid because i think i do.
WHINGE! But its okay coz its my live journal and if you dont like it you can piss off.
I had my stupid history SAC, second last one of the year. exam... getting... closer... *stress*
I can feel the stress in my shoulders.
anyways i think i did okay in the SAC... meh. We'll see.
I hope i can finish my premier in time for the exhibition... I have... One day.
heh...
YAY! MY DOWNLOAD has FINISHED!
tata |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|07:37 pm] |
I had a good day today.
I had some quality bonding time with a friend I was forced to shove out of our old group – yes, bad, evil bitch lily has gone.
And the best thing is that I really care about her. She’s just great to be with and bum around with. Much better than half the group who shunned her.
I also talked to more teachers about what I have missed and I haven’t missed that much at all which is good because I am so tired its unbelievable.
It’s funny, last week I got a terribly bitchy note from an old close friend who turned bad and this chick I have barely said two words to in my life, and I really didn’t care at all. I thought I was going to be upset or something but I saw right through it straight away. Anyway, as my creative block continues I sit staring at the screen of my computer and my eyes de-focus from the pure fatigue. The sickness is still with me a little bit but most of it has passed!
On another note, the Yr 11 formal is this Saturday and I am happy to say I am REALLY excited.
I will be free to be crazy with my friends without particular people to rain on my parade! AND IM GETTING MY HAIR, MAKE UP AND NAILS DONE!
I CANT WAIT!
I feel like such a girl and for once, I really love it. It will be awesome!
I have to wax my legs tonight though… which doesn’t seem appealing… but the hairs are sticking out of my stockings (eeww… I’m not normally such a grot!) And I have been growing them especially for the formal but I –seriously- can’t bear this anymore!
AH! Excitement mounting!
In other news – JAY got her tooth pulled! AI! You should see it, the roots are massive! I cant believe it fitted in her mouth! Crazy! So yes – a message to dear mooz – I hope your mouth is better!
I’m going to have a shower now. BYE! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2004|05:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Oasis - Songbird | ] |
Yay! I have CABLE and that deserves bold, itallic and underlined text because: ITS SO FAST! Who needs boys?! who needs chocolate? WHO NEEDS TO BREATHE!? As ling as i have this hideously fast internet i will survive. It's wonderful! As you may have noticed I have also discovered the lovely rich text link hidden to my untrained eye, however, thanks to my friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lainex who pointed it out today, so excuse me if i go abit nuts with it whee!
Hmm... anyway... CABLE IS FUN! Its going abit slow now....
but thats only because im downloading....
3 albums
at the
SAME TIME
and now a cut
( CUT! )</span></span></p>
OH, oh wee! Oh yes! Time to make dolls now! byebyeness |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2004|09:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pete Murray - So Beautiful | ] |
... Or perhaps it will. I have been talking to a lot to the people who influence me and who I listen to most, namely mum dad Tim and Luke, they all say that I shouldn't give up my school just because of - "two immature little bitches" (mum's words) dad insists upon talking to the school about it and I am beyond caring. He says they should be kicked out and I should stay (I told him that idea was ridiculous, people don’t get kicked out of schools just for bulling, and even if they did i refuse to be held responsible for getting someone kicked out of school) but yes, he got very angry.
The likeliest of all is Melbourne girls because it is on my tram line so it'll be easy enough to get to from both mums and dads house. That’s good.
The bad news of course is that I do have to go back to PLC, at least for the first couple of weeks.
As I said before, I’ve been talking to these influential people, these people who are pretty much objective and I have got the impression that they think I should stand up and fight this (Though both Tim and Luke have said they understand and if I continue to be miserable there is no point in being there)... I have considered all these things long and hard and although i believe it will be next to impossible to bear (I just know things will be made worse when dad talks to the school) I suppose I could put up with it for a little while.
My education is more important than specific people refusing to act their age and get over it.
Despite all this I did well in my mid-year report. Straight As in Aussie History 3/4, Art and Studio art along with good scores in both math and English. My Biology could have been better but over all I'm really happy with it. Maybe that’s a sign I should stay. I suppose I could fill my recesses and lunches with school work - there’s plenty of it!!! It will be good for me to cleanse myself anyway. All those bad influences couldn’t have been good for me (I have been told from a reliable source that one of these people is into weed - really not a good person to be around) I can put up with being there for a little while. I won't let the pain and my own stubbornness get in the way.
I suppose that’s another big change. I believe since all this that I have indeed changed a great deal. I suppose that might harbour the intolerance I have developed for immaturity (anyone else need a desk for their books? here, take mine).
In short: I am taking the advice of some older more experienced people and not giving up. I need good grades and a good job and the best way to get that is at the school I am at. If I can hang on, I will.
Umm... Okay, In other news I spent most of this weeks at mums painting my room (which is now much simpler and a whole lot better looking) I plan on simplifying my whole life and getting on with things. On Tuesday night Tim came over and we talked till the wee hours of the morn (we also took a late night trip up to k-mart for some LOLLIES!) He worries me; he's been having a hard time with his girlfriend. So yes, lots of talking and hugging and comforting on both parts went on. I went to a party type thing on Wednesday, we watched The Gift... I didn't sleep till 5am. I don’t know what scared me so much, but Jesus!
But the most important thing is that Luke is coming on Sunday!
I FINALLY get to meet him. It's going to be so odd. But I'm looking forward to it a lot. He's staying until Thursday night. We already have a lot planned. So much fun!
Then I'll be back at mums for the school term I think, just because it is closer and easier to manage. I will probably be coming back here (to dads) every second weekend or something so I won't lose contact with this lot. But another good thing is that we are probably having a kind of reunion party for all the old playgroup (kids who I knew when I was littler that 3 yrs old!) it will be so exciting to see how they have turned out! I can't wait! Somewhere in all of this I have to work out how I will get all my History and Art and Studio art stuff I promised myself I would do done. But I suppose that will fall into place. Hopefully without too much stress.
Anyway. I'm back. The account is now active again. I need some place just to vent and this looks like it’s the place.
Goodnight everyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2004|07:29 pm] |
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Closing this account. It will no longer be used. Goodbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2004|07:22 pm] |
No. I will not hate her. I will not hate someone who is so stupid and naive as she.
I will not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2004|08:08 pm] |
Talked to mum about moving schools.
Talked to her about the people who are part of the cause of this - told the whole story - she thinks I'm right and they're not worth it - i shouldnt have supposed "friends" that exclude me or pick boys over me or be general bitches because i express my hurt.
God. I must have been sitting here crying for a good half hour. It hasnt made me feel any better. I can't stand this. I hate being at that school so much. I hate going to the computer room and sitting at my locker and wandering around because theres no one else to sit with or talk with and there's nowhere to go. I hate it so much and I KNOW that so many people are so worse off or whatever, I KNOW I've inflicted this pain on others. I swear now I will ALWAYS think about my actions before i do them and I will NEVER be the spokesperson for other peoples bitchyness. I will NEVER be the main person excluding so I make myself look bad and the others look good. I will never EXCLUDE. I will tell the person to their face.
I just have one more day and then I can be out of that hell. I'll miss ceramics and Mr Selwood, I'll miss Aussie History and Mr Peterson, I'll miss the little things but right now it seems that it wont work out for me and it will just get worse.
Or not get better.
Anyway I appologise for bad spelling or punctuation or anything else that doesnt make sense.
Goodnightt. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|06:15 pm] |
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Wheee! Another hole in me for me! HOORAY! This time its in the top of my ear. It was funny coz when the guy shot me with the gun I jumped 10 miles off the ground. But it hurt less that my earlobes. In other words, it hardly hurt at all. I was soooooooo nervous at the start *eep*!!! But it was all good!
ilantia got her EYEBROW PIERCED! She’s so brave! (we also got our top ears done together so we could have the same pair of earrings, therefore making us TWINS!)
Anyway, nothing else happened today. More of the same bitchy-ness from certain people. Mr Peterson noticed and gave me a pat on the shoulder. Good man ‘e is.
But yes! Had lots of fun in the afternoon! Yay! |
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| Alone... |
[Jun. 15th, 2004|10:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Van Richter Radio on iTunes | ] |
... Again... I suppose I'll get used to it. It's just really weird. But I suppose it's good anyway, I'll get more time to do homework and more time on concentrating on finding out who the hell I am... The whole "searching for an identity" thing is so cliché. Self-discovery is over done.
But I know from all of this crap with my supposed friends a lot of good has come from it. I suppose I’ve even discovered that some people are more unforgiving than I am and that it really is time to take a stand.
However I also realize how bad some of the things I've done in the past feel.
Excluding Paulina for instance, on the behalf of everyone else so I manage to look like the only bad guy. Though it is difficult to admit that I am wrong for doing that I recognise that I am. I realize how many mistakes I have made without realizing at the time and wonder how many more I have made that I haven't realized. There seems no other explanation for why all of them hate me so much. Or dislike me or disrespect me. Or don’t even stand up for me.
I don’t know. All I know is I'm changing. More than I even realize. And it’s only just begun.
I saw Ben on Sunday. It was weird... Because it was so casual and normal. He even gave me a lift home and it was just relaxed and cool. Odd... I sat next to him in the cinema and we were both using the armrest and we ended up kind of having our arms together... I don’t know... He was warm. I missed it a bit. I don’t really know why. It's not like I want him back. I guess I just miss having someone.
Apparently Joel asked about me to Paulina. My heart still flutters when someone talks about him...
There are these 2 girls talking about formals next to me. I've decided I’m not going. I have no one to go with - friends or boys. I don't know. I think it's better that way really. Less money wasted and less chance of everything screwing up.
Luke is coming in about 16 days. The only thing I'm looking forward to in my whole life. Pretty damn sad. And I just KNOW something will go wrong. Oh well.
I feel like I'm in danger of becoming a mindless drone. Luke said I was distant last night. I suppose he’s ring. I’ve already frozen all the pain inside and covered it up so I feel empty and nothing.
*Sighs* I just don’t know. Sometimes I think it’s all too difficult. I just want this learning experience to be over ASAP. But it wont be. I’ve already learnt so much and I think I still have a lot more to go.
Anyway. I'm going to spell check this and then do something else.
Bye bye |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|07:44 pm] |
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New loser picture! YAY FOR MY TONGUE! |
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| A new beginng |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|07:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Noise from downstairs - Miguel | ] |
HOORAY!
The rotten, evil, disgusting feeling of being hurt and betrayed has lifted slightly.
For the one part I have finally said my goodbye to one of the people that basically knocked me down... then shat in my face. So that feels good. Also, exams are over and I did pretty okay in them. The aching for Joel has deteriorated for now. The excitement for Luke's arrival is mounting and my hair looks good :P
I also had a great day today coz I went to this huge long gig from 1-6pm full of punky rocky goodness. It was very, very fun! Lots of spunky punky boys and girls (I swear I so could have stolen that girl's pair of cat ears!!!) It was awesome. Moshing is such fun! Also, my cousin may be getting me a Blink 182 ticket! YAAAAAAAY! AWESOMEEEEE! I hope anyway. My life is finally looking up for the fist time this term. I just hope nothing goes wrong now. I also got this beautiful ankh pendant with a garnet embedded in it and matching ring and earrings. So pretty! And I got the Underworld sound track and a book to tide me over until I get the next 2 Anne Rice books (I finished tQotD) which I have put on order. But the most important thing is that I got the IZ DVD! AND IT’S GREAT! And I also got the full SQUEE! Book! YAY! Now I just need to buy the first edition of JTHM and I will be fulfilled (Until the next IZ DVD comes out) actually. No. Because I still have to get my ears pierced a couple more times and my tongue done. And perhaps my bottom lip (when I get out of school) the gig has rekindled my passion for piercing!
Anywhooooo
I'm going to go and do other stuff now!
Byebye! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2004|02:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | naughty | ] |
*Dances* Hi everybody! How are you all? I’m sick still and I should be studying Biology but I’m not! I’d just like to say:
4 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAAAAAAAAAAARRY POOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTER!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Um. Nothing is really happening with me. I still feel myself missing Joel a lot. I get really, really lonely. I’m seeing a movie with Ross next Sunday so yeah, that should be interesting.
Meh. I’m bored of this now.
Byebye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|02:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blink 182 - Here's Your Letter | ] |
HOhum. I'm just so goddamned bored. I had friken 1 hour sleep last night. I think I’m an insomniac. So I screwed up my maths exam. My brain doesn't work. It just doesn't. I hate males. I HATE THEM. It seems all the bad things disappear when they're gone and you want them back...
I miss Joel so much it hurts, when I think about why it’s all the physical stuff. Laugh, smile, eyes, skin, warmth... I’m going to cry again because that’s what I do... Now a sad song is on.
I want him back
I don’t know what to do with myself.
It hurts.
I just... I don’t know... I want to want and need someone and have them feel the same... I'm sick of all this soulless crap.
I shouldn’t have said yes to Ross... It’s too early.
The last two months I’ve felt like I’ve been going crazy, doing things id never do.
It sucks.
I want it to go back to being simple.
It won’t.
Oh well. I'm going shopping tonight. Maybe that will help? I'm getting undies coz my bums shrunk... or my nickers have stretched. Probably the latter. And I'm getting foundation and some more liquid liner and if I can find any of that weird wet black eye shadow i will be happy coz my dry one shits me. And I need jeans because my other ones are out of shape.
GAH. I want to get my ear pierced up the top.
I cant wait till the holidays when I can get my tongue done!!!
You know what’s horrible? Last night I heard Avrils new song and I could sympathise with it. Am I turning all pop-teenie angsty?
I hope not.
Anyway I’m going to poo... or something.
Have a nice day |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2004|09:32 pm] |
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Whoo. Ross just asked me out on a date. Doesn't take me very long does it! Still. Waste not. Lunch then a movie, pretty casual but with the option on getting dirty - I like it. |
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| Pleh |
[May. 31st, 2004|04:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Exodus - Evanescence | ] |
A Britney Spears song made me cry last night, then a Kasey Chambers one came on and I cried more.
I don’t know, I wanted to give him everything. When I say this all out loud it sounds so naive and immature... I don't know. It's hard to understand why, when you miss someone, all the good things are there and the bad things aren’t. I turned from a hateful rage to a crying idiot. I just feel so alone its driving me crazy. All this hurts so much I don't know what to do with myself. I cried to an Avril song too. This makes me feel even worse. The fact that I’m sympathising with ridiculous pop songs. I need to remember to breathe.
I just... I would have given him anything. The first time I’ve felt that in such a long time. I was willing to give it all.
I’m beginning to think all this is just to keep me from getting attached to the wrong guy. Through all this I do realise he is right. I deserve better than he can give me.
The thing that shits me is that I always get torn up more when I do the breaking up. It sucks.
Anyway, I just wanted to write something. Feels like I’m empty except for tears and snot.
Oh well. Nothing I can do. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2004|01:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out | ] |
Yay, I hate anime, but alas, I conform because I am weak. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2004|02:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | empty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Your Body Is A Wonderland | ] |
Well, despite a terrible week, from Friday after school onwards was pretty good. I should start from the beginning, I apologised for being vague in parts.
Gah, I go to write it and block it all out... urm lets see... I should probably set things straight... my birthday party on the 7th-8th was in short crap. I think that was everybody’s feeling. After me taking a lot of "No, Nick doesn’t HATE you, he just had NO respect for you" and "He doesn’t HATE you, he just dislikes you" from Claire, I finally burst when she said to me on Tuesday "nick was telling me that he thinks Jason’s a soft cock for still talking to you and he says he'll never talk to you again" well. I burst into tears... AT SCHOOL!!! I haven’t done that since the start of yr 4... God, it felt shit, hearing that from one of my closest friends, as if she was pleased, I’ve known Nick for 10 fecking years! then, while I’m in tears, Jess and Claire both just walk away, and I'm left with Paulina who, earlier that day was saying Chicky hated me (Though later I found out they're in a fight so she was spreading stuff) so yeah, my day sucked, then I saw mum and it sucked more and I got home and did stuff I shouldn’t have done and Joel got pissed off at me, really, really angry and then on the next night he broke up with me and said I should sort myself out before I got into a relationship. I promptly threw up. Hooray, nothing to live for. Ummm let’s see... Thursday I went for the last 3 periods of school so I could do my history SAC. This could have been better. at the end of that I find out that my darling friends have arranged to go to see troy (which one of them said they'd see with me) with my ex boyfriend, nick and Nathan (all hate my guts... "Dislike" me) it’s not even the fact they’re seeing them as much as they did it all behind my back and avoided me all together about it... I mean, they could have said "hey we're arranging to go to troy with these three guys who hate you, do you mind?" I mean, it’s not like I could have said no. gah. Horrible
Anyway on Friday I had as little to do with them as possible and I was dreading seeing Joel to talk through all this. We were on the tram and he moved to sit next to me... I was like "what the?!?!" then he put his hand on my knee and I was like "double what the?!?!?!?! *sits uncomfortably*
He apologised to me and he poured everything out, about his mum, about how he was feeling about me and we just sat there. He almost cried I think. He’d never talked about his mum before... gah, pulled my heart strings, I just wanted to heal all his pain... stupid, but true. Anyway, we got back together; he’s going to help me through all this. He said he loved me, I could finally say I loved him back. It’s been only a month, this is so crazy. But it’s so good.
Anyway. I’m probably moving schools at the end of the year. I can’t keep going like this. Seeing a psychologist soon. Maybe that will help.
Oh well. That’s me.
Bye-bye |
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